“Hello?” says a muffled voice from downstairs.
“Hey, up here!” I yell to my husband. It’s 6:47 pm. My diaperless toddler runs down the hall to see him while the other toddler screams as I brush her hair.
“Can I get some help?”
If it’s not baths, it’s the sink full of dishes. If it’s not the dishes, it’s a work event. There are a lot of nights by the time we even look at each other, it’s 9 o’clock. And by 9:15, one of us is asleep on the couch.
Most people will tell you this phase of life is totally normal. It’s ok, right? We’ll catch up on date night.
There’s no excuse for not connecting with your spouse. And I learned that when I interviewed relationship coach, Kathy Dawson.
Kathy has a method she teaches clients to strengthen their connection. It’s such simple advice. And you know how we always say “it’s the little things that add up.”
Here are the 5 simple ways to connect through out your day to help strengthen your relationship.
First, when you wake up, touch your spouse or significant other. Whether it’s a kiss, a hug or even just a slight touch on the shoulder, make some sort of skin to skin contact.
Second, before you leave for work, give each other a 5 second hug. That is long enough for your body to feel a connection. Try it and see how your body reacts to the embrace.
Third, use your smartphone!! Technology is ok. Kathy says at a point in your busy day when you’re thinking of the other person, send a simple text “I’m thinking of you.” (A call would be better, but do what you’ve got to do). Then the other person, at a different time of the day should also send a “thinking of you message.” Here’s the thing: don’t also send a grocery list or a reminder to do something. Make it simple and loving.
Fourth, when you reunite after your long day, kiss for 10 seconds. Guys, don’t get any bright ideas, this is just a kiss. Let your kids see you do it! Show them what a loving relationship is.
And fifth, fall asleep together.
When I told my friends about this final step, they laughed and said that’s impossible. But Kathy made a very valid point. She says 70% of the couples she consults say they go to bed at separate times. And for some reason, they don’t understand why they feel lonely.
My husband saw this interview and even without discussion, I noticed him send a text. I get longer hugs at the start of the day. And he’s even made a point to go to bed when I do.
Maybe he’s doing it as sort of an inside joke, like practicing what I preach. But even if we do just 3 of the 5 points of connection in a day, I notice a stronger bond.
There’s no excuse why we shouldn’t be doing these things! Even with opposite schedules and busy evenings, make a point to try it out. You have absolutely nothing to lose.
Don’t just leave connecting for date night.
Speaking of date night … watch my video on this subject. Kathy gave me a very important piece of advice when it comes to making the most out of date night and keeping that spark alive.